Newsletter #32

Stewardship Newsletter #32.

When I checked the topic for November, I found it written in two different places. One said: “Healthy Relationships” and the other “Care and Respect for One Another”. The two are not mutually exclusive, but the focus is a little different. I tried to combine the two!

Much of the information I found on “Friendship” is geared towards young people, but the recurring themes of openness and trust are ones we can all use.

“Is My Friend a Good Friend?” lists various qualities of a good friendship in the form of a checklist. Here are some of the highlights:

They try to be there for me whenever I need them.

They share their feelings with me.

They let me know when they think I’m making a poor choice.

They try not to hurt my feelings.

If they do hurt my feelings, they always apologize.

They try to make me feel better when I am sad, anxious, or upset.

They are honest with me, and I can trust them.

They respect my opinions.

They speak kindly to me.

They encourage me.

They make time for me but give me space when I need it.

They listen to me.

They reach out to me whenever they need my help.

And one I particularly like – “They say nice things about me when I’m not around”. Well, that’s important but I’m not sure how we know!

In the Church, we aim to show care and respect for each other and from time to time we can stop to evaluate how we are doing and see how we might improve even more.

Earlier this year we had a program at St John’s, organized by the Diocese, on “Dismantling Racism” which is highly recommended and another way to “care for each other”. A group from our church attended to be both informed and challenged. There is not room to expand on the content here, but the program runs regularly every few months and registration is through the Diocesan website https://vancouver.anglican.ca

At St. John’s, we try to make each other feel welcome, but  another way we care for each other is Outreach. Whether it’s water for a homeless encampment in a heatwave, supporting the Primate’s World Relief and Development Fund, the Food bank or Christmas gifts for families on a tight budget, this is part of our mission.

If you have any outreach ideas to share, please let the leadership team know!

And in a world where the internet is impacting our relationships……….

Some of us of course have more “caregiving” responsibilities for family members or friends, and this can be very demanding. While we want to support the caregivers, it’s easy to say things which are not helpful. The Following Readers Digest article lists some of the “Dos and Don’ts”, which are also useful in other situations:

https://www.readersdigest.ca/health/relationships/caregiver-support/

“We all struggle with finding supportive things to say to caregivers, especially when we feel as if there’s nothing that will make things better. However, speaking from a place of compassion, love and concern does help. You can acknowledge the situation without offering advice. Ask how someone is doing. Let them know that you genuinely care.

Start here with caregiver support:

• I can see how hard you are working.
• I see you are doing your best.
• I would love to drop off a meal for you. What do you like or not like?
• How are you?
• What can I do to help? (Suggest things like sitting with their loved one for an afternoon, bringing coffee or a meal, running an errand or getting groceries.)
• It is really hard when our loved ones are ill.

Be careful with:

• Offering advice.
• Sharing your own stories that mirror what they are going through.
• Saying, I know how you feel/what you are going through, etc., unless you really do know.
• Should, as in, what you should do is…
• Would, as in, What I would do is…
• You need to take care of yourself.
• You are a saint.
• You will get your rewards for this.
• I could never do what you do.
• You are so brave.
• They are so blessed to have you.
• God never gives us more than we can handle.”

Some of you who are or have been in this situation can probably add more!

Before I sign off with a prayer, here is some news from St. Johns:

The PWRDF “Wild Ride was very successful and we raised $1,185 for Refugee programs! Overall total was $60,927!! https://pwrdf.org/our-work-impact/the-pwrdf-difference/

Pictures at: https://www.vancouver.anglican.ca/news/pwrdf-wild-ride-2023

The Neufeld Farms frozen foods raised $514 towards our plumbing emergency (now resolved, happily).

Thanks so much to Wayne and Beth Scott who visited frequently to empty the de-humidifier, sometimes twice a day, and are still doing it weekly!

Our Small Difference

We may not be able to confront queens, or challenge presidents;

We may not have the capacity to divert resources, or uplift communities;

We may not have the voice to silence the noise of war, or the words to negotiate peace between armies;

But, as we follow you, O Christ, we are able to do something.

And so, we pray that you would inspire us to commit to and act on the small difference we can make:

May we bring peace through small acts of gentleness and reconciliation;

May we bring wealth through small contributions and collaborations;

May we bring safety through small acts of consideration and acceptance;

May we bring wholeness through small acts of care and service.

And in the small ways, O God, may our small difference make a big contribution to your saving work in our world. AMEN

~ written by John van de Laar.